Hearing is a physical act while listening is an intellectual and social/emotional act. Hearing acknowledges sounds, whereas listening requires that you understand what is being said.  Listening improves language and literacy skills and lessens arguments and shows that adults care.

The Six Steps to Effective Listening:

1.  Listen to the child’s nonverbal communication.

2.  Monitor your own nonverbal communication.

3.  Listen to the content.

4.  Listen to the intent.

5.  Listen to children empathetically and nonjudgmentally. 

6. Ask Open-ended Questions:

Infants: Nonverbal Communication: 55 percent of nonverbal communication is body language, while the other 35 percent is in the tone of voice that is used.  Infants’ nonverbal communication deals with “how” something is said rather than “what” is said.   Just like the infant, you are communicating even while you are listening.  Your body language tells the infant “how” you are listening.

Toddlers: Content & Intent: Listen to what children are saying in terms of facts and ideas.  Be as accurate as you can.  Use your intellect to hear what is being said.

When you are listening for the intent of the child, you are listening to “why” they say something rather than “what” they say.  Use your intuition to “hear” the intent.  Do not use your emotions to interpret the intent, use your intellect for that.

Preschoolers: Empathy & Open-ended Questions: You may need to ask questions to further understand the message the child is asking.  Open-ended questions are best for understanding what children may want. These questions do not have a right or wrong answer.  Some examples might be:
1.  “When you said…., did you mean…?”
2.  “Do I understand you to say…?”

Empathy tells children that you accept them, and that you care about them and what they are saying.  It means that you listen with an open mind and don’t prejudge.  It does not mean that you accept the ideas or points of view.  You simply convey the message that you are willing to listen.

Effective listening helps children better understand what is trying to be said.  Try to allow children to solve their own problems rather than letting their problems become yours.  Sometimes children just need someone to talk to, so that they can “think” out loud without fear of evaluation.  Try to follow this rule: Talk 20% of the time and listen 80%.

To say the right things at the right time…keep still most of the time.

(John W. Roper)