Cooperation is the act of working together for one end. It is a highly valuable skill. Peer problem solving skills are helpful to learning cooperation and these skills are teachable from an early age. Recent research shows that the more alternatives children can think of the more likely they are to display socially acceptable behavior. Elisabeth Crary in Kids Can Cooperate says there are three motives for behavior problems in young children:

1. Attention: Children want attention and are particularly adept at raising the conflict level until an adult comes and intervenes.
2. Companionship: Many children are skillful at getting others to play with them, while others quarrel as a way of interaction. If a child has tried unsuccessfully to involve other children in an activity, he/she can almost always involve them by starting a fight. The results may look unpleasant from the adult viewpoint, but may be better than being alone for the child.
3. Desire for Power: Some children initiate fights just to see how much power they have over another child. Sometimes the desire for power takes the form of forcing a child to do something. Other times it’s getting the other child in trouble.

Infants: Attention - Research shows that 20 minutes of attention per day dramatically reduces whining and aggressive behavior. To be effective, the special time should be regular, and one-to-one with an activity chosen by the child.
Toddlers: Feelings - Teach children to recognize feelings of others by making a feelings chart. They can be taught to observe whether others like the activity they are involved in. Because of their egocentric nature, children are often unaware of how others feel. Children can be taught to look at facial expressions and body language, and listen to sounds of voices to get information. These skills can be useful throughout life.
Preschoolers: Options - Decline to apportion blame unless you see the whole situation. One way to intervene without taking sides is to focus on the future rather than on the past. Say, “I don’t care who started it. Let’s look at your options now. What do you need to do to be able to play together?” Encourage negotiation where both children win.

Peer Problem Solving Technique: This is an innovative technique developed by Jim Morris to assist children in resolving their own problems. Acting as a facilitator, the adult supports the two children who are having the problem by holding each of their hands. The children become responsible for discussing and solving the differences that normally arise during social interactions. The children’s use of physical solutions is reduced while they develop a more positive self-image. Key items include:
1. Get both children together who have the problem. Get comfortable at their eye level.
2. Hold their hands and encourage them to hold each other’s hand.
3. Have them talk to each other and say, “Tell him/her your problem.”
4. After both children have talked to each other ask “Do you have anything else to say?”
5. When they negotiate and reach a solution ask “Do you have a solution?”
6. Encourage a hug at the end of the process by saying “Are you friends? – Show me.”

Nothing worthwhile ever comes without hard work