Diane Levin said in her book Teaching Young Children in Violent Times “Violence in any form leaves many young children feeling scared, hopeless, and unsafe. The foundation for understanding how people should treat each other and deal with their conflicts is laid in the early years. Although many children are seemingly unaffected, under the surface they carry a burden of discomfort and uncertainty that weight heavily on their young minds. Even minor incidents can be a big deal and cause anxiety for young children.  It is essential that young children begin to learn to cope with violence.”

Although all children are susceptible to violence some are more vulnerable than others. Children are most at risk if they experience violence in their home. Those who have first-hand experience with real violence are more severely affected by make-believe violence.

Figuring out how to behave presents a real dilemma for children. What young children learn about how to treat others becomes a cornerstone they will use for deciding how to treat others when they are adults. Children get daily media messages that say:  “When people have a conflict, violence is the best method for resolving it. Fighting is normal, acceptable, and fun.”

Infants: Family Role Model – Young children are less likely to be affected by violence if they have a strong, positive attachment to at least one loving adult.  This can be a parent, grandparent or other relative.  It is important that they not be exposed to entertainment violence and violent toys when they are very young.

Toddlers: Happy – Mad Puppet – Make a sponge puppet by putting a happy face on one side and a mad face on the other side of the sponge.  Encourage toddlers to use the puppet to act out experiences that make them happy or mad and talk about what they could do to change any conflicts they have into positive experiences with one another.

Preschoolers: Using “I Messages” – Many times behavior management approaches parents and teachers use do not help children learn alternative behaviors of conflict resolution they need to become more positive.  Some of the approaches that deal with behavior problems and aggression, like “time out” don’t address the needs created by the violence in children’s lives.  These often only focus on restoring order as quickly as possible, and not on problem solving.  Teach children to use “I Messages.”  Try to get in the habit of using it when you talk with them and encourage them to use it when talking to each other.  “I feel _____ (upset, annoyed, angry) when you _____ (state the problem) and I would like you to _____ (tell what you would like to see happen the next time).”

It is expecting a lot of children to ask them to choose a nonviolent approaches over the violent messages they are hearing all around them in the media (movies, the internet, TV, CD’s etc.). Children need many opportunities to learn to have many chances to try out and develop a range of positive ways to interact with others.

An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.              (Mahatma Gandhi)