Positive self-esteem is a feeling that arises from a sense of satisfaction.  It is the “cement” that binds children’s personalities together into positive, integrated and effective structures.  At every stage of children’s lives, their self-esteem determines the degree to which they can use the personal resources and potentials they were born with.  When children have high self-esteem they feel good!  If their self-esteem is low, they don’t.  Three major motives affecting behavior result from beliefs and feelings about themselves.

1. A child will act in ways that increase his sense of self-worth and satisfaction.  (seeking praise & approval)

2. A child will act in ways that confirm his self-image by others and himself.  (expectations: good & bad)

3. A child will act so as to maintain a consistent self-image irrespective of changing circumstances. (that’s the way I am)

Parents and teachers are “models” for children.  They often copy feelings and attitudes, as well as language, and mannerisms.  It is almost impossible to hide a feeling.  Children are always looking for cues about how to behave, and they become very acute observers of subtle expressions and attitudes.  There are four conditions needed for high self-esteem.

1. Connectiveness: This results when a child gains satisfaction from an association that is significant to that child, like being related to other people.

2. Uniqueness: This occurs when a child acknowledges the qualities that make them special, especially when they receive approval for using their imagination.

3. Power: This happens when a child has the chance to make choices, even bad ones and being encouraged to take the responsibility for their own actions.

4. Models: This reflects on a child ability to make sense out of life, by using the variety of experiences they have had with parents, teachers, and friends.

Teachers and parents can use the following strategies to strengthen a child’s self-esteem.

Infants: Connectiveness: It is important for very young children to feel connected to others to build their self-esteem.  A couple of easy strategies to use are to show affection through physical contact, show positive feelings on your face toward the infant, tell them in words when you feel good about what is going on, and read to them each day.

Toddlers: Uniqueness: Young children’s self-esteem grows when they receive respect and approval from others for those qualities that make them different.  Strategies adults can use are providing incentives for good performance, making praise specific such as (not good job, but thank you for picking up the blocks), and most importantly to separate the deed from the doer. (This room is unsafe with block on the floor.)

Preschoolers: Power and Models: When children have the opportunity to influence the circumstances of their own lives in important ways they develop power.  Some effective strategies adults can use is setting up appropriate limits (don’t give young children too much freedom), providing alternatives so children can make choices (start with only two choices).  Children need worthy models in their lives to help them set reasonable goals for themselves.  Another strategy adults can use is to write down classroom or house rule to help children understand what is expected of them, this will help children understand the consequences of their behavior, but the most important strategy of all is to be a good role model yourself!

The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated.

(William James)